Mes Memoires

 Were it not for you--this life Would it be so? The way it is now? Where I wake up each day In joy's keep with joy's sun? And the moon's glow that washes Me like an originary bath?

 A tapestry I'm weaving it as I go Across continents From within my heart I learn each day the rhythm  How to spell it  How it lives Recognizing the before  Where it rose from and The river where it flows In new cities Under new skies Yet a a connected heart and breath that lives for Him

  Behind a screen Can we hold hands? For a moment, I thought it could Be more real, more warm, more sweet Then the shutdown--night is forced to remember longing, imagining inside the depth, the oozy dark bathed infinite -------------------------- Swept Up Swept up in a tide From fall to presence Only a faint connection The shore--an anchor Pages of my life-story blurred by the pulse of the waves cascading  Their ebb and flow a mechanism--against submergence Almost not enough Fiery sun, burning the edges So my imperfectness cannot be restored but only collected into a history--nay, a fantasy    (These two were written some time before Jan 2021) ---------------------------- A spell of wakefulness binds me  to the imaginal Where I spin tales listlessly  Framing new patterns of participation  With you Eyes wide and mind frenzied A magic antiode cannot Cure these affairs of love No the phantasy is too pretty to leave behind Why not sit with it? Let t...

Where would I be Sans our epistolary exchange? Soul-y clinging to each phoneme’s collective melody in the in between Listlessly—see it’s maddening How I pra/ey? Each word a breath—Eros’ evocation Be within

 Tomorrow I begin my descent into "Integral Life Practice". In my last entry, I made a list of the practices I wanted to incorporate into my routine. I finished "The Phenomenon of Man" so that I could begin the Inner Work book. I plan to read a few pages before bed.  There is much that has transpired since Friday though. Ryan Nakade asked me to join an integral political movement--the Reconstitution Project--founded by Ari Allen.  My goodness I have so much to say about this-- https://www.thereconstitution.com/home .  I was honored that they had even asked me. Ari Allen is the Senior Product Manager at Amplify. Some of the other people in the group are people from the MM list, people who know Zak. And now I Just want to write on paper.  .....

This morning I messaged Matt to check on Brent . Who is Matt, who is Brent? I was invited to Gortz' Metamodern forum that Brent was also involved in. I don't really participate in it; it can be intimidating. Anyway. Later, I got to know Brent only a little bit more through Jeremy's Gebser class. Who is Jeremy? I read Jeremy's book this past December-- Seeing Through the World . We chatted, and he asked if I wanted to join his Gebser class (circa Feb.).  The pandemic happened. Jeremy had hosted a Watch Party on the movie Annihilation . Somehow our discussion led to Matt sharing about PTG which is part of my dissertation research. Matt later invited me to his Integral Discord channel. (I was already in Jeremy's Mutations Discord).  Matt had mentioned sometime earlier this week a partner for integral transformative practice . When I had read the comment, I didn't respond because I didn't really know what it would mean for me. Do I have time for something else? ...